I sprained my ankle the other day—badly enough to make walking painful (and illegal according to my doctor) and patience thinner than usual. As I was hobbling around, my sweet momma looked at me with the softest eyes and asked, “What can I do to help you?”

I smiled and said the usual: “Oh, nothing, Mom. I’ve got it.”
But she wasn’t having that.

“I could rub your foot with Arnica,” she said gently.
And in that moment, I let her in. I was hurting, and frankly, tired of always being strong. She melted my resolve.

She sat beside me, her hands still soft and sure, and gently rubbed that foot like she’d done it a thousand times before—for scraped knees, twisted toes, and a tired daughter who always needed something. I swear she helped heal it with the calm and care only a mother can offer. Her touch is magic.

Each day, she helped me wrap it. She brought me water. She asked if I needed anything. And one day she said, “I just love getting to help you.”

That stopped me in my tracks.

You see, we caregivers often take on every single thing. We do the lifting, the sorting, the cooking, the reminding, the everything. And in our whirlwind of doing, we forget: our loved ones still want to feel useful.

They want to feel needed.
They want to contribute.
They want to help the people they love—just like they always have.

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Why Letting Them Help Matters

When we allow our loved ones to participate in small, meaningful ways, we give them something powerful: a sense of purpose.

Even as memory fades or physical ability changes, the desire to give doesn’t go away. Helping boosts their confidence, gives their brain something to focus on, and keeps the relationship reciprocal—not just caregiving, but care-sharing.

It reminds them that they’re still capable.
It affirms their dignity.
It tells them loud and clear:
You matter.
You are not a burden.
You are still my rock, my parent, my guide.

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Ways to Let Your Loved One Help

Even if they can’t do what they once did, there’s almost always something they can do. Here are just a few ideas:

• Folding laundry (even if you have to refold it later—it’s the doing that counts)
• Wiping down surfaces with a soft cloth
• Tearing lettuce or stirring soup
• Watering plants or feeding a pet
• Helping wrap your ankle when you’ve overdone it… again
• Reading aloud a short devotional or offering a daily prayer
• Helping you remember something—like a name, a story, or just what day it is
• Bringing you a glass of water and feeling like a hero

It doesn’t need to be perfect or productive.
It just needs to be shared.

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Caregiver Hack of the Week

Create a “Helper Basket.”
Stock it with safe, simple items they can use anytime they want to help: a cloth for dusting, a crossword puzzle, some socks to match, or greeting cards to organize. Giving them a “job” reminds them they’re not just being cared for—they still have something to offer.

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Final Thought

No one will ever love me the way my mother does.
And in that quiet moment, as she gently rubbed my swollen and black and blue ankle and foot, and looked up at me with pride in her heart, I realized something…

Sometimes we don’t need to do more.
We just need to let them in.
And maybe, just maybe, that helps both of us heal through this very tough journey.

I’m not crying (yes, I am) you are! See you at the next stop!