Let me tell you something I wish someone had said to me a long time ago:
You are not a machine (though you may feel a little robotic somedays.)
You are not a Pinterest board (in all it’s perfection).
You are not failing just because your hair hasn’t seen a brush today and your kitchen looks like a tornado had a tea party.

Somewhere along the line, we bought into this idea that to be a “good” caregiver—and a good human—we have to do it all. Cook a full meal, keep the laundry folded, the bathrooms clean, our loved one bathed and happy, work handled, bills paid, and oh yes—look fabulous doing it. Every day.

Spoiler alert: That’s not real.
It’s not sustainable.
And it’s not required.

Adjusting Our Expectations (of Ourselves)

When I first started this journey, I tried so hard to keep everything just like it used to be. The model house. Hair and make up perfect. Healthy meals. The organized office. On top of the world. All the time. It didn’t last long.

The problem? That version of life doesn’t fit this one. So now? Perfect has become “good enough.” (It took a minute – ask my therapist). And “good enough” is a gift that you MUST give yourself!

Some days I knock it out of the park—I make a great meal, cross off six tasks, and get Mom to laugh a little. Other days, I keep her safe, we eat cereal and chocolate bars, and I call that a win.
Both days count.

The truth is: no two days are the same. Some are smooth, and some are storms. And if you keep judging yourself by a standard that requires superhero strength and Martha Stewart energy, you’ll drown.

Instead?

Break life into bite-sized chunks.
Let some things go.
Give yourself permission to rest WITH OUT GUILT!
And for heaven’s sake, stop apologizing for not being everything to everyone. It’s exhausting.

Grace Over Guilt

Younger, stronger, and more rested you might’ve been able to do it all (but psst – but that’s a lie too). It’s not about the length or the time, it’s about the mental and emotional strength it takes also. This version of you right now is holding it together with duct tape and prayer—and it’s still holding. You’re still showing up. And that is enough. TRULY!

You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to wear the same leggings two days in a row and still call yourself incredible. But will you? Probably not, but if you want to survive, you have to try.

Caregiver Hack of the Week:

Build in “nothing” time.
I know. You’re busy – we all are. But ten minutes of quiet with a cup of coffee, your feet up, and no expectations is worth more than an hour of multitasking. Put it on your schedule. Call it “scheduled nothing.” Make it sacred.

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Final Thought:

You are not failing. You’re not lazy—you’re maxed out.
Let’s stop measuring success by perfection, and start measuring it by presence, effort, and love. It’s different metrics than we are used to.

Lower the bar on yourself. You’re still standing, and that’s something to be proud of. It may not seem like much, but it’s a lot in caregiving journey!