(actually I may or may not be writing this from the pantry…)

It’s been over six years since a huge life change – one that I don’t regret and would do all over again in spite of how taxing it is. Taking care of a parent, and the role reversal that goes with it is hard – in fact, it is the hardest thing I’ve gone through and I’ve waded through some seriously deep stuff. Today, I’m a little at a loss for a topic, so I decided to just focus on the happy and grateful and call myself Pollyanna for the next 24 hours. Sometimes role playing works to keep things on track.

As a caregiver, the tough stuff takes up a lot of space. It’s the truth. The to-do list. The worry. The guilt, the guilt about the guilt, and the guilt about not having guilt. The constant decisions. The constant conundrum is a thing.

And yet… tucked in between those things are little bursts of joy, gratitude, and sometimes downright ridiculousness that make it all feel a little lighter.

So today, I’m making a list — a happy list — of the moments that make me smile, laugh, or just feel grateful.

Here’s mine (so far):

1. That first-morning coffee together.
Even if we don’t say a word, it’s still time shared. And sometimes, the coffee is actually hot.

2. A perfectly timed one-liner.
Like when I ask, “Can you cut me some slack?” and Mom replies, “Absolutely. I have a whole bunch of slack cut just for you.”

3. The familiar songs.
When the hymn starts and she hums along — even if it’s off-key — it’s beautiful. She had a light stroke years ago and cannot sing any longer so this is especially sweet. She used to have a beautiful singing voice.

4. Finding the thing that makes her light up.
It might be a cookie, a memory, or a funny story. Watching her face change is worth everything.

5. The moments she’s still “Mom.”
When she reminds me to take a sweater, tells me I’m working too hard, or pats my hand like she did when I was little.

6. Laughing at the absurd.
Like putting the TV remote in the fridge or hearing, “I didn’t do it” before I even ask the question.

7. The rare nap where I also nap.
Those are pure gold.

8. Inside jokes.
We’ve built a whole language that no one else understands. And that’s ours to keep.

9. Good hair days.
Hers, mine, or both. They’re rare enough to celebrate.

10. Knowing that this time — as hard as it is — won’t last forever.
And that makes each sweet, silly, and tender moment even more precious.

Some days the list is long.
Some days it’s just one thing.
But there’s always something.

If you’re a caregiver too, I challenge you to make your own happy list. Write it down. Keep it somewhere special for the moments when the weight feels heavy (and it does a LOT). Because sometimes, the smallest things really are the biggest things that keep you in the right head space to keep going.

Caregiver Hack of the Week

Start a “Happy Jar” Every time you catch a funny moment, a sweet exchange, or a win (no matter how small), jot it on a scrap of paper and drop it in the jar. On the tough days, pull one out and remember: there’s still joy here.

See you next week, friends.