Because nothing says “self-care” like justifying your every move.

The Situation:

Caregiving comes with a lot of responsibility. A lot of laundry. A lot of decision-making. A lot of stuff that shall remain nameless today. But, you know what I didn’t see coming when I started this journey?

The guilt trips. And not the kind I give myself for feeding us peanut butter toast for dinner. I’m talking about the full-blown, full-throttle interrogation that hits the second I dare to leave the house for more than 20 minutes.

The minute I walk back in? It’s on!
“Where did you go?”
“Did you get groceries?”
“Did you talk to anyone?”
“Did you have a fun, fun day?” (I was gone for just half an hour.)
And my personal favorite:
“Were you really at the dentist this long?” Of course!! I LOVE THE DENTIST. We just hung out and laughed about root canals.

I’m 58. Fifty. Flipping. Eight. Yet somehow, I feel like I need a permission slip signed in triplicate just to go to anywhere. Every caregiver in agreement say aye!

Almost 7 years in, and it’s wearing me thin.

I make all the decisions. I carry all the weight. I schedule the appointments. I repeat every answer at least 3 times. I pay the bills, take care of the house, and run 2 businesses. I handle every “urgent” call or request throughout the day. Yet, the interrogations pop up whenever I do something for me.

Heaven forbid I take an hour to walk around Sam’s Club like a feral raccoon in leggings. Because then, the parent decides to come out in the guise of “curiosity.” “Are you okay? I was worried.” “What took you so long?” “Is the store REALLY that big?”

I hate being grilled under bright lights for leisure-adulting. Seriously! I promised you real, and this topic is bringing out my salty side.

Here’s the Truth:

You can love someone fiercely—deeply—and still feel suffocated by their constant scrutiny and neediness. It’s not that our loved ones are trying to be difficult (most of the time). Sometimes it’s the [cognitive decline, dementia, etc.] talking. Sometimes it’s old-school parenting (they never forget that role) kicking in. And sometimes, it’s just… them being them. Whatever the case, it makes you question your sanity when you’re trapped in an eternal loop of being both the caregiver and the kid. I absolutely despise it!!! It is SO hard.

But Let’s Laugh About It, Shall We?

• We are not failing. Remember the source. We’re navigating emotional landmines and laundry baskets full of mismatched socks. The signals are completely scrambled. The wires are shorting. So don’t take it personally. (This is CHALLENGING but try).
• We deserve a personal life. Even if it’s 30 minutes at the Dollar General wandering aimlessly and visiting with people.
• We don’t owe an explanation for trying to have some normalcy in our lives. Period.

The guilt trips may keep coming, but here’s the deal – you deserve “me time.” It’s non-negotiable – even if your loved one questions your every move like a tiny, retired FBI agent with memory issues.

You’re the one holding it all together. Throw a little grace on yourself like it’s glitter and keep going. You dserve you time. Okay, we’ve got this. Right? RIGHT!!!

Caregiver Hack of the Week:

The Phantom Errand: Pick an errand that sounds noble but vague, and go. You can cry in the car with dignity, scream in a cornfield if you need or go have a quick coffee with a friend. It’s an hour of freedom – just remember to go back home. (kidding – I know you will.) It’s who we are!