Whoooooeeee! I no doubt got your attention with that title, but stick with me. Today, a friend of mine sent me a video, and so many of them say the same thing – but this one was about our job description and what it really means. I loved it. So I’m passing it along. It’s a truly valuable concept with my own spin to it. I think it will change your perspective too.

Somewhere along the way, I apparently appointed myself Director of Keeping Mom Alive.

Nobody offered me the position. There was no interview, no job description, and certainly no discussion of salary or benefits. Nevertheless, I accepted the responsibility and threw myself into the job with considerable enthusiasm.

For more than seven years, I monitored medications, scheduled appointments, watched for changes in Mom’s health, managed emergencies, and tried to anticipate whatever might come next. I became remarkably good at identifying potential disasters, including several that hadn’t actually happened yet.

If there were an Olympic event for worrying about things that might happen, I believe I could have brought home the gold.

The trouble with my self-appointed position is that the job description was impossible.

It’s not my responsibility to keep Mom alive forever.

At 95, Mom deserves excellent care, thoughtful medical decisions, and someone willing to advocate for her. But she also deserves friendships, laughter, good food, familiar faces, and the opportunity to make choices whenever she can.

She’s a woman with a lifetime of experiences, opinions, and preferences, not a fragile piece of antique furniture that everyone is afraid to touch.

And believe me, Mom still has opinions. Occasionally, they’re even about things that are actually happening.

Caregiving requires vigilance, particularly when dementia makes it difficult for someone to recognize danger. We learn to spot hazards, notice changes, and anticipate needs. Before long, we’re running a one-person risk management department with terrible hours and absolutely no vacation policy.

But aging isn’t a problem we can solve with better management.

We can seek medical treatment, make informed decisions, and do everything reasonably possible to protect someone we love. We cannot negotiate with the calendar.

Frankly, if someone has figured out how to stop the aging process, I’d appreciate a phone call. I have a few personal concerns I’d like to discuss.

There will be times when difficult medical decisions must be made, and those deserve careful consideration of our loved one’s wishes, comfort, and treatment options. Other days, our greatest contribution might be bringing a favorite treat, sharing a story, or making someone laugh until their sides hurt.

Since Mom moved into the care home, I’ve had more opportunities to enjoy those ordinary moments. We visit with her friends, laugh about ridiculous things, and spend time together without every conversation revolving around something that needs to be done.

Of course, I still occasionally make a nuisance of myself when something needs attention. Some talents are simply too valuable to retire.

I’ve spent so many years being the person who fixes things that sometimes I forget Mom doesn’t always need something fixed. She might just want me to sit beside her, listen to a story I’ve heard a hundred times, or laugh with her about something that makes absolutely no sense. I can’t make every difficult day better, but I can make sure she has someone to share it with. And frankly, after 95 years on this earth, I think she’s earned an audience.

Caregiver Hack of the Week: Remember the Person

When making decisions for someone you love, consider what matters to them, not just what needs to be managed. Include them whenever possible, and seek medical guidance when the choices are complicated.

Sometimes the most valuable thing you can offer isn’t another solution. It’s simply your company.

I don’t know how much road Mom and I have left to travel together, and I suspect she’d have a few suggestions about how the rest of the trip should be organized.

But for every mile we’re given together, she can count on having me by her side.

Caregiver Hack of the Week: Remember the Person

When making decisions for someone you love, consider what matters to them, not just what needs to be managed. Include them whenever possible, and seek medical guidance when the choices are complicated.