Skip to content

  • “Lower the Bar (and Your Blood Pressure)”

    July 30, 2025
    Uncategorized

    Let me tell you something I wish someone had said to me a long time ago:
    You are not a machine (though you may feel a little robotic somedays.)
    You are not a Pinterest board (in all it’s perfection).
    You are not failing just because your hair hasn’t seen a brush today and your kitchen looks like a tornado had a tea party.

    Somewhere along the line, we bought into this idea that to be a “good” caregiver—and a good human—we have to do it all. Cook a full meal, keep the laundry folded, the bathrooms clean, our loved one bathed and happy, work handled, bills paid, and oh yes—look fabulous doing it. Every day.

    Spoiler alert: That’s not real.
    It’s not sustainable.
    And it’s not required.

    Adjusting Our Expectations (of Ourselves)

    When I first started this journey, I tried so hard to keep everything just like it used to be. The model house. Hair and make up perfect. Healthy meals. The organized office. On top of the world. All the time. It didn’t last long.

    The problem? That version of life doesn’t fit this one. So now? Perfect has become “good enough.” (It took a minute – ask my therapist). And “good enough” is a gift that you MUST give yourself!

    Some days I knock it out of the park—I make a great meal, cross off six tasks, and get Mom to laugh a little. Other days, I keep her safe, we eat cereal and chocolate bars, and I call that a win.
    Both days count.

    The truth is: no two days are the same. Some are smooth, and some are storms. And if you keep judging yourself by a standard that requires superhero strength and Martha Stewart energy, you’ll drown.

    Instead?

    Break life into bite-sized chunks.
    Let some things go.
    Give yourself permission to rest WITH OUT GUILT!
    And for heaven’s sake, stop apologizing for not being everything to everyone. It’s exhausting.

    Grace Over Guilt

    Younger, stronger, and more rested you might’ve been able to do it all (but psst – but that’s a lie too). It’s not about the length or the time, it’s about the mental and emotional strength it takes also. This version of you right now is holding it together with duct tape and prayer—and it’s still holding. You’re still showing up. And that is enough. TRULY!

    You are allowed to rest.
    You are allowed to say no.
    You are allowed to wear the same leggings two days in a row and still call yourself incredible. But will you? Probably not, but if you want to survive, you have to try.

    Caregiver Hack of the Week:

    Build in “nothing” time.
    I know. You’re busy – we all are. But ten minutes of quiet with a cup of coffee, your feet up, and no expectations is worth more than an hour of multitasking. Put it on your schedule. Call it “scheduled nothing.” Make it sacred.

    Final Thought:

    You are not failing. You’re not lazy—you’re maxed out.
    Let’s stop measuring success by perfection, and start measuring it by presence, effort, and love. It’s different metrics than we are used to.

    Lower the bar on yourself. You’re still standing, and that’s something to be proud of. It may not seem like much, but it’s a lot in caregiving journey!

    No comments on “Lower the Bar (and Your Blood Pressure)”

  • “Even the Best Caregivers Can’t Catch Every Fall”

    July 25, 2025
    Uncategorized

    That day was supposed to be simple. I needed to run a few errands — nothing major, just a quick trip to a neighboring town and back.

    While I was gone, I got the call no caregiver (or daughter) ever wants. It was MY daughter letting me know that my mother had fallen.
    I could barely make out her words and reassurances over the instant screaming in my own head:
    “You should have been there.”
    “You should have prevented this.”
    “You failed her.”

    The reality?
    My mom fell. She’s 93. It was heartbreaking.
    And whether I was home or not, the truth is — it still would have happened – because things happen. Period.

    As caregivers, we walk around carrying the illusion that if we just do everything right, we can protect them from every fall, every scare, every bad thing. It could be likened to the second motherhood.


    But the truth? We cannot control freewill. We cannot wrap them in bubble wrap and Charmin. We can’t control most things let alone everything. And trying to will only bury us in guilt, fear, and exhaustion.

    How to Handle It When Things Happen

    First, breathe. (straight from my daughter’s mouth)
    Then breathe again. (guess who knows her mom really well?)

    And remember this:
    You are human.
    You are doing the best you can.
    You can be prepared — but you cannot prevent things from happening.

    Here are some steps you can take to be prepared, not perfect:

    Safety Tools That Help

    • Life Alert or Medical Alert Devices:
      These systems allow your loved one to push a button and immediately call for help. Many now offer automatic fall detection without needing to press anything.
    • In-Home Cameras:
      Indoor security cameras (even just basic ones like Blink or Ring) let you peek in and check on them — without hovering or making them feel watched.
    • Easy-to-Reach Phones:
      Big button phones, wearable phones, or even simple Alexa or Google Home devices with “Call” functions can allow your loved one to ask for help easily.
    • Lift Services in Your Community:
      Many areas have non-emergency lift assist services.
      If your loved one falls and isn’t injured but can’t get up, these trained teams (sometimes through the fire department or private services) can safely help — no ambulance, no ER unless needed. In my town just call the sheriff office or non emergency number and they will come help.
    • Also be sure that there is a way to access the home. I had the house locked up tight. My daughter had the keys. Push button combo locks are a great way to ensure that help can get in without breaking down the door.
    • You’re going to need help. Period. Trying to lift someone yourself (even a “tiny” person) at dead weight can seriously injure both of you.

    Tips for When Guilt Creeps In

    • Acknowledge the fear and sadness. It’s okay to feel all of it.
    • Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to a friend. Would you blame a friend for needing groceries? No. You would tell them they did their best. Tell yourself the same.
    • Reframe the goal: It’s not about preventing everything. It’s about responding with love and calm when something happens.
    • Debrief gently: After the event, walk yourself through what you can do for next time — without blaming yourself for this time.

    Caregiver Hack of the Week

    Set up a “Help Me” Station in every major room.

    In each room your loved one uses often, have a small, reachable “Help Me” setup:

    • A Life Alert button nearby
    • A phone or voice assistant device (like Alexa Echo Dot) ready to call family
    • A simple list of “what to do if I fall” instructions posted somewhere visible (even just a note that says “Call for help. You are not alone.”)

    This way, even if you’re gone, they are never truly without a lifeline.
    And you can breathe a little easier knowing help is always close at hand.

    Remember….

    You are not failing.
    You are showing up.
    You are loving fiercely.

    Bad things will sometimes happen. But love — the kind you pour out every single day — will always be bigger than any fall.

    ️Next stop….coming right around the bend.

    No comments on “Even the Best Caregivers Can’t Catch Every Fall”

  • “I Was Going to Try and Be Independent Today”

    July 15, 2025
    Uncategorized

    Honoring the quiet bravery behind their everyday efforts

    This morning, I was rushing around, slightly frazzled (what’s new) and trying to keep all the wheels turning. The coffee hadn’t hit yet, the to-do list was already mocking me from the counter, my phone was dinging away, and I was impatiently asking my mom why she didn’t just ask me for help.

    And then she said it. So soft. So matter-of-fact. “I was going to try and be independent today.”

    And there it is. I stopped cold. The air whooshed out of my lungs. Because that sentence? It landed like a ton of bricks wrapped in velvet.

    In my exhaustion, I forgot—she’s still trying. Behind the misfires is the woman who ran a successful business, raised a family, played the organ at church (and still does), and fiercely values her independence.

    She’s not just my mom. She’s a woman trying her hardest to keep her sense of self intact.

    While I’m navigating my overwhelm, she’s quietly mourning the things she can no longer do… and still reaching for them. And, she’s doing it with more grace than I will ever have.

    We’re Both Trying.

    It’s easy to get lost in the logistics of caregiving:
    The meds. The appointments. The repetitions. The never-ending decisions. The responsibility. But sometimes, what they really want — what they really need — is the chance to feel capable again. To say, “I was going to try…” That is courage. That is strength. That is a love story we don’t talk about enough.

    A Gentle Reminder

    We’re not just caregivers. We’re guardians of dignity.
    And sometimes, that means stepping back instead of stepping in.

    Let them try.
    Let them help.
    Let them feel proud of something small.
    Let them feel like themselves for just a moment more.

    Because independence, even in tiny doses, is a form of love too. And, we owe them that.

    Caregiver Hack of the Week

    Create a “Do-It-Yourself” Zone.
    Set up a small area with safe, manageable tasks your loved one can do solo — pairing socks, organizing note cards, folding hand towels, watering a plant. It lets them feel useful without setting them up for frustration.

    No comments on “I Was Going to Try and Be Independent Today”

  • “When It Feels Like Too Much: The Caregiver’s Silent Crisis”

    July 8, 2025
    Uncategorized

    Let’s start with the truth:
    Caregiving can feel like drowning in plain sight.

    Whether you’re caring for someone with dementia, cancer, chronic illness, or a lifelong disability, the feelings are all too familiar—overwhelmed, exhausted, and maybe even resentful. If that’s not enough, then comes the guilt for feeling that way.

    But hear me when I say this:

    It’s normal.

    You’re not broken.
    You’re not weak.
    You’re not failing.

    You’re human. And you are giving more than anyone ever should be expected to give.

    Caregiving demands everything—your time, your body, your brain, your spirit. It is relentless. There is no “clock out” button. No real breaks. It’s like being in charge of a small, complicated company 24/7, with no staff, no budget, and no vacation policy. And in rural areas? Forget about services. If you’ve got a Meals on Wheels driver and a decent pharmacist, you’re already ahead.

    The Crisis No One Talks About (except Bradley Cooper)

    Caregiver mental health is a national crisis.

    According to the National Alliance for Caregiving:

    40–70% of family caregivers experience symptoms of depression.
    23% report that caregiving has made their own health worse.
    And the average caregiver spends more than 24 hours a week providing care—with many logging far more.

    And that’s just the stats. What the numbers can’t tell you is the quiet loneliness. The financial burden. The identity loss. The moments when you stand in the kitchen and whisper, “I can’t do this anymore,” and then take a deep breath and keep going anyway.

    There is no system that truly supports what we are doing. There are gaps so wide they swallow up the strongest among us. In small towns and rural spaces, support is even more limited, burnout is high, and caregivers are often running on sheer willpower.

    Now, About Those Bumper Sticker People…

    You don’t have to feel happy every minute of every day.
    Let’s just take that filter off, shall we?

    If God meant for us to be sunshine and daisies all the time, He wouldn’t have created sadness, anger, frustration, or anxiety. Those emotions exist for a reason. You’re allowed to feel them all.

    So when someone tries to cheer you up with a glitter-dusted “God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers” or “You’ve got this!”—take a deep breath and remember:
    Forgive them. They are clearly not caregivers.
    They don’t get it. You will never meet a fellow caregiver who makes light of your feelings. We. Know. Better.

    So What Can You Do?

    We’re not going to pretend there’s a magic fix. But here are a few realistic ideas to help lighten the load:

    1. Narrow Your Focus

    Stop looking at the next five years. Or even five months.
    Shrink your lens. Focus on the next hour. The next breath. The next step. You are not required to carry the entire journey at once. And, you can’t. I’m in year six of this life, and the one thing that can drive me over the edge within two breaths is someone asking what my plans are after mom is gone. How can I think or even dream about that? There is no time frame to life and death. And losing a loved one is a whole other book.

    2. Give Yourself the Grace You Give Them

    Would you speak to your loved one the way you speak to yourself? Probably not. You’d be patient, kind, encouraging. You’d say, “Take a rest. You’re doing your best.” So say it to yourself, too.

    3. Call in Tiny Rescues

    A porch visit with a friend.
    A walk around the block alone.
    A YouTube video that makes you laugh.
    A frozen pizza for dinner instead of a full meal.
    These small moments count. They can rescue a whole day.

    4. Start Saying Yes

    Yes to help when it’s offered.
    Yes to a nap.
    Yes to an emotional release—whether it’s a good cry in the bathroom or a deep prayer in the car.
    You don’t have to do this like a machine. You’re not one.

    5. Find One Local Ally

    In rural areas, formal services might be sparse, but maybe there’s a church group. A neighbor. A retired nurse. A caregiver Facebook group. One person who understands. Let them in. You don’t need a village—you just need one warm heart.

    Caregiver Hack of the Week:

    Create a “Reset List.”
    It’s a handwritten or phone note with 3–5 things that help you reset when you’re on the edge.
    • Drink a cold glass of water
    • Text a friend who always makes you laugh
    • Step outside barefoot for 3 minutes
    • Write down ONE thing you did well today
    Keep it visible. On the fridge. On your mirror. Inside your car. And use it.

    You are not alone.
    This season can feel unending, but it won’t last forever.
    And in the meantime, you are doing holy work.
    It’s not easy. It’s not glamorous.
    But it is sacred.

    You are not failing.
    You are just tired.
    And you are still worthy of care, love, and rest.

    I love you all, and I see you.

    No comments on “When It Feels Like Too Much: The Caregiver’s Silent Crisis”

  • The Gift of a Good Laugh (and a Notebook Full of Joycie-isms)

    July 2, 2025
    Uncategorized

    Last night I was frustrated—tired, overwhelmed, and at my wit’s end. I looked at my mom and asked, “Mom, can you cut me a little slack?”

    She didn’t miss a beat. “Absolutely, honey. I have a whole bunch of slack cut just for you.”

    I couldn’t help it—I laughed. I mean… who says that?!
    There is a lot that she doesn’t remember, but her wit? Still razor-sharp.

    That one-liner sliced straight through the tension and turned a hard moment into a beautiful one. It reminded me how powerful laughter is in this journey. It reminded me who my mom still is.

    She’s quick. She’s kind. She’s honest. Another thing she does when I’m walking the edge with a sassy comment – she taps her foot and reminds me, “You know I had brothers, and toes are fair game.”
    (Yes, I now instinctively tuck my toes away. Because she means it.)

    These hilarious, ridiculous, absolutely unforgettable moments? I’m writing them down. I’ve started a little notebook of Joycie-isms—those phrases and zingers that catch me off guard, make me laugh, or melt me in a second.

    Because as she slowly fades, this humor is gold.
    It masks the hard stuff.
    It lifts us when the fog settles.
    It brings us both back to center.

    Some of the things she says are funny. Some are heartbreakingly sweet. Like, “Honey, you know you’re precious to me because I love you so much.” And that right there? That’s better than anything I could ever ask for.

    So today, I’m encouraging you to find those moments. Write them down. Start a notebook. Record the funny, the frustrating-turned-funny, the tender, and the truth bombs. Because these little snippets are going to matter. They’re going to hold you when this season is over. They’re going to be part of the story you carry forward.

    Caregiver Hack of the Week:

    Create a “Memory & Moment” journal.
    If your loved one is still chatty or witty, jot down their quips, kindness, and conversations. If they’re in later stages, collect your own reflections. Stick in photos. Drawings. Descriptions of a touch, a scent, a smile. These become treasures.

    Even just a few lines a week will one day become your favorite heirloom. A time capsule of love, laughter, and the strength it took to show up every single day. You’ve got this!!

    This time of life? It’s not forever.
    But it can still be loved.
    So laugh until you cry—and cry when you need to.
    And let both be sacred.

    You’re not alone on this track.
    We’re all riding it together. See you next time!

    Choo Choo!

    No comments on The Gift of a Good Laugh (and a Notebook Full of Joycie-isms)

  • Let Them Help: The Healing Power of Feeling Needed

    June 27, 2025
    Uncategorized

    I sprained my ankle the other day—badly enough to make walking painful (and illegal according to my doctor) and patience thinner than usual. As I was hobbling around, my sweet momma looked at me with the softest eyes and asked, “What can I do to help you?”

    I smiled and said the usual: “Oh, nothing, Mom. I’ve got it.”
    But she wasn’t having that.

    “I could rub your foot with Arnica,” she said gently.
    And in that moment, I let her in. I was hurting, and frankly, tired of always being strong. She melted my resolve.

    She sat beside me, her hands still soft and sure, and gently rubbed that foot like she’d done it a thousand times before—for scraped knees, twisted toes, and a tired daughter who always needed something. I swear she helped heal it with the calm and care only a mother can offer. Her touch is magic.

    Each day, she helped me wrap it. She brought me water. She asked if I needed anything. And one day she said, “I just love getting to help you.”

    That stopped me in my tracks.

    You see, we caregivers often take on every single thing. We do the lifting, the sorting, the cooking, the reminding, the everything. And in our whirlwind of doing, we forget: our loved ones still want to feel useful.

    They want to feel needed.
    They want to contribute.
    They want to help the people they love—just like they always have.

    Why Letting Them Help Matters

    When we allow our loved ones to participate in small, meaningful ways, we give them something powerful: a sense of purpose.

    Even as memory fades or physical ability changes, the desire to give doesn’t go away. Helping boosts their confidence, gives their brain something to focus on, and keeps the relationship reciprocal—not just caregiving, but care-sharing.

    It reminds them that they’re still capable.
    It affirms their dignity.
    It tells them loud and clear:
    You matter.
    You are not a burden.
    You are still my rock, my parent, my guide.

    Ways to Let Your Loved One Help

    Even if they can’t do what they once did, there’s almost always something they can do. Here are just a few ideas:

    • Folding laundry (even if you have to refold it later—it’s the doing that counts)
    • Wiping down surfaces with a soft cloth
    • Tearing lettuce or stirring soup
    • Watering plants or feeding a pet
    • Helping wrap your ankle when you’ve overdone it… again
    • Reading aloud a short devotional or offering a daily prayer
    • Helping you remember something—like a name, a story, or just what day it is
    • Bringing you a glass of water and feeling like a hero

    It doesn’t need to be perfect or productive.
    It just needs to be shared.

    Caregiver Hack of the Week

    Create a “Helper Basket.”
    Stock it with safe, simple items they can use anytime they want to help: a cloth for dusting, a crossword puzzle, some socks to match, or greeting cards to organize. Giving them a “job” reminds them they’re not just being cared for—they still have something to offer.

    Final Thought

    No one will ever love me the way my mother does.
    And in that quiet moment, as she gently rubbed my swollen and black and blue ankle and foot, and looked up at me with pride in her heart, I realized something…

    Sometimes we don’t need to do more.
    We just need to let them in.
    And maybe, just maybe, that helps both of us heal through this very tough journey.

    I’m not crying (yes, I am) you are! See you at the next stop!

    No comments on Let Them Help: The Healing Power of Feeling Needed

  • Etched in the Spirit: Her Faith Remains

    June 21, 2025
    Uncategorized

    It’s been a week of Mondays, and I missed posting on Tuesday, but I have something that is sitting on my heart to share and worth being late.

    To be real, mom has seemed more confused lately, and I can tell that her cognitive decline is worsening. She is ever so sweet – and always smiling, and not only do I adore that, but she reminds me that living her faith is the most important thing in her life. She is not just happy – but she has captured how to be joyful even in the tough times, and being 93 and trying to exist in this world is not on the list of easy…BUT…

    She may not remember what she had for breakfast, or what she did yesterday. She may struggle to find the right words or get lost in the timeline of a simple story.

    But ask her about church, and her eyes light up. Because she knows. She remembers. She FEELS. Every Sunday, she is wobbly and off balance, but off she goes with a smile, her beautiful eyes sparkling and excited to see everyone.

    She remembers her pastor, Tony Borton, and she loves Charles Stanley, Joyce Meyers, Billy Graham, and more. She remembers the old hymns—every verse, every chorus – and she loves them. She reads her Bible faithfully, and recognizes the faces of her church family like they’re stitched into the fabric of her soul – because they are.

    Church isn’t just a routine for her. It’s her sanctuary. It’s her safe place. It’s her reminder that she is held—by God, by community, and by something greater than what this disease can touch.

    We read devotions together almost every day. And every day, without fail, she prays for the children of the church—by name. Not because someone tells her to, but because her spirit still remembers the rhythm of intercession.

    Her body is slower now. Her mind, tangled in fog some days.
    But her faith? It’s sharp. Steady. Unshaken.
    It is her anchor in the storm of confusion.

    Let Them Hold What Comforts Them

    We spend so much time as caregivers focused on what’s been lost.
    But let’s not forget what remains.

    Your loved one might not remember the year or what day it is…
    But they may still hum a favorite hymn.
    They may still whisper prayers.
    They may still light up when they hear the familiar cadence of a Sunday morning sermon.

    Let them hold on to those things – whatever they are…
    Let them rest in what brings comfort.
    Because dementia can take the dates.
    It can muddle the memories.
    It can confuse the order of a day.

    But it cannot take what’s etched into the spirit.
    And for my mom, her faith is carved deep. Let them live there and rest.

    Caregiver Hack of the Week

    Make space for soul memory.
    Even when cognitive memory falters, spiritual and emotional memory often stays.

    Create a quiet space for your loved one to connect with what grounds them—daily prayer, a devotional, a favorite hymn, or even a recorded sermon. No theology degree needed—just love and repetition. Its one of the greatest acts of love we can show them.

    Thanks for letting me share this oh so personal topic with you. See you next week! Choo choo!

    No comments on Etched in the Spirit: Her Faith Remains

  • Groceries Without the Chaos: Why Pickup & Delivery Are a Caregiver’s Best Friend

    June 10, 2025
    Uncategorized

    Let’s play a game called “How Fast Can a Caregiver Grocery Shop?”

    Option A: Drag yourself (and possibly your loved one) to the store, wrestle a shopping cart that only turns left, dodge screaming toddlers, hunt for items that were definitely there last week, and stand in line behind someone paying in pennies while your phone buzzes with five missed calls.

    Option B: Click a few buttons, schedule a pickup or delivery, and reclaim at least an hour of your life – while taking your LO on

    If you picked Option A, congratulations! You enjoy unnecessary suffering. If you picked Option B, welcome to the magical world of grocery pickup and delivery—one of our caregiver ultimate life hacks.

    Why Grocery Pickup & Delivery is a Total Game-Changer

    Being a caregiver means that every spare second is precious. Between doctor appointments, medication schedules, and the never-ending to-do list, there’s never enough time in the day. So why spend it wandering grocery aisles in a half-zombie state when you could be doing literally anything else?

    More Time, Less Stress

    • An entire grocery run now takes 5 minutes instead of 90. That’s 85 extra minutes for yourself (or at least to sit down and drink hot coffee for once).
    • No more standing in checkout lines while your loved one asks, “What’s taking so long?” every 30 seconds.
    • No more impulse buys because you wandered past the cookie aisle in a moment of weakness. (Okay, maybe one box of cookies makes it in. We’re only human.)

    Fewer Germs, More Health

    • Flu season? Cold season? Stomach bug season? Skip the petri dish aka the grocery store during cold and flu season.
    • Your immune system is already working overtime—why risk exposure when you don’t have to?
    • Less time in public = less risk of bringing home germs to a vulnerable loved one.

    No More ‘Oops, I Forgot Something’ Trips

    • Ever gone grocery shopping, got home, and realized you forgot the ONE thing you actually needed?
    • With online shopping, you can double-check the fridge and pantry in real time before clicking “checkout.”
    • Bonus: Most apps let you add to your order after checkout in case you remember something an hour later (hello, more coffee and snacks).

    Less Hauling Heavy Bags

    • If your back already hurts from caregiving, the last thing you need is hauling 50 pounds of groceries from the store to the car, to the house, up the stairs…
    • Delivery = they bring it to your door.
    • Pickup = the nice store employee loads it into your car while you sit there like royalty (Remember to thank them profusely (or tip) – ’cause THEY are the real royalty for helping.)

    How to Master Grocery Pickup & Delivery Like a Pro

    Step 1: Choose Your Grocery Store’s App or Website
    Most major stores have pickup & delivery services now! Some great options include:
    ✔ Locally: Thrifty Foods Grocery Pickup & Delivery
    ✔ Instacart ( if you have it – delivers from multiple stores)
    ✔ Kroger, Safeway, Publix, and other chain-specific apps also do pick up
    ✔ Amazon Fresh & Whole Foods delivery (in larger cities)

    Step 2: Make Your List in Advance

    • Keep a running list on your phone throughout the week. That way, when you go to order, you’re not guessing what you need.
    • Most apps save your past purchases, so reordering staples is easy!

    Step 3: Plan Your Pickup or Delivery Time

    • Try scheduling early in the morning or later in the evening for the best availability.
    • Some services offer same-day or even 2-hour delivery if you’re in a pinch – it depends on where you live.

    Step 4: Save Money (Yes, Really!)

    • Compare prices between stores—some apps show price differences across multiple places.
    • Look for digital coupons right in the app—no clipping required!
    • Avoid the “I just came for one thing temptation” (because let’s be honest, when you’re not in the store, those end cap sales don’t tempt you as much).

    What to Do With Your Extra Time (Instead of Grocery Shopping Like a Lunatic)

    ~Watch half a movie before being interrupted. (Caregiver reality: Full movies are a luxury.)

    ~Take an actual shower with actual hot water.

    ~Call a friend and have a real conversation.

    ~Read a book that isn’t about medical conditions.

    ~Go for a walk just because you can.

    ~Stare at a wall in silence for five minutes and just breathe. (Seriously, it’s underrated.)

    Caregiver Hack of the Week:

    “The Backup Emergency Order” – Create a saved grocery list in your app of must-have essentials (milk, bread, coffee, favorite snacks, easy meals). When life gets crazy, you can reorder in seconds without having to think about what you need!

    Final Thought: You Deserve This Break

    Caregiving is hard enough without wasting hours wandering a grocery store, dodging germ-covered shopping carts, and hauling heavy bags. Technology has given us a gift—USE IT.

    So the next time you’re debating whether to brave the store or order online from the comfort of your sweatpants, just remember:

    ✔ Less stress.
    ✔ More time.
    ✔ Fewer germs.

    And if anyone gives you side-eye for choosing convenience? Just smile and say, “I’m a caregiver. This is self-care.” Then go enjoy that extra hour of freedom. See you at the next stop! Choo choo!!

    Your turn! Do you use grocery pickup or delivery? What’s your favorite time-saving trick? Drop your thoughts in the comments—we caregivers need all the hacks we can get!

    No comments on Groceries Without the Chaos: Why Pickup & Delivery Are a Caregiver’s Best Friend

  • Lost in Translation: When Dementia Scrambles the Message

    June 3, 2025
    Uncategorized

    “She didn’t hear me.”
    “She’s not listening.”
    “I just told her that.”
    “Why is she staring at me like I just asked her to solve quantum physics?    ”

    Sound familiar?

    When you love someone living with dementia or cognitive decline, there comes a point when you realize—this isn’t about hearing.
    It’s not about attention.
    It’s not even about memory.

    It’s about processing.

    So… What Is “Processing”?

    Think of the brain like a giant switchboard.
    When it’s working well, you say something like, “Hey Mom, it’s time for lunch,” and her brain receives, decodes, and understands that sentence.
    She thinks: “Okay, lunch. It’s around noon. I’m probably hungry. Time to go eat.” (Or like my mom – she eats by the clock – I should probably eat something because it’s noon.)

    But when dementia enters the picture?
    That switchboard crosses some of the wires or they burn out.

    Instead of that message going from your mouth to her understanding, it might:

    • Get delayed
    • Get jumbled
    • Lose key details
    • Or vanish completely

    She might nod.
    She might stare at you.
    She might say “okay” and then wander into the hall closet.

    Processing is the brain’s ability to take in, interpret, and act on information.
    When dementia affects this part of the brain, it’s like watching a file try to download over dial-up.
    Slow. Unreliable. Sometimes just… nothing.

    It happens to all of us sometimes. Have you ever walked into a room and completely forgotten what you went to find? Kinda similar…it’s jarring and it bothers us. It bothers our loved ones too. Deeply bothers them.

    Why Does It Happen?

    Many forms of dementia—Alzheimer’s, vascular dementia, Lewy body, frontotemporal—impact the brain’s communication networks.
    These diseases damage the neurons and pathways that carry information. Think of it like potholes forming on a busy highway. Messages slow down. Some never make it.

    So when your loved one doesn’t respond right away—or at all—it’s not willful.

    It’s not disrespect.
    It’s not stubbornness.

    It’s broken wiring – and it’s heartbreaking. My dad explained it to me one day as tears rolled down his face. I told him “We all forget things.” He responded, “This is different. Let’s go home, and try again tomorrow.” We cried, together.

    Hearing the same sentence for the third, fourth, or tenth time can be challenging. Understanding why it happens will be the only thing that keeps you sane and calm. It’s tiring, but it’s not their fault – and it’s frustrating for our loved ones, too.

    So What Can You Do?

    Here’s what I try to remember:

    • Give time. It might take 10–20 seconds (yes, seconds!) for them to process what you just said. Wait before repeating.
    • Simplify. One idea per sentence. Short. Clear. Kind.
    • Use visual cues. Point to the lunch table. Hand them the spoon. Guide, gently.
    • Repeat without frustration. (Okay, at least try.) Repetition isn’t failure. It’s caregiving.
    • Breathe. Walk away for a second. Cry in the bathroom. Text your best friend. Then try again.

    Final Thought

    This piece is not easy.
    It’s not fair.
    And it’s definitely not how we pictured old age for our loved ones.

    But the more we understand how our loved one’s brains are working, the less personal it feels.
    The confusion isn’t on purpose.
    It’s the disease.

    And in those moments of silence, confusion, or blank stares, I remind myself:
    Her heart still knows me.
    Her soul still feels love.
    Even if her brain doesn’t always translate it.

    🚂 Caregiver Hack of the Week

    Use “one-and-done” sentences.
    Instead of saying, “Okay Mom, let’s get your shoes on so we can head to the doctor and then stop for lunch,”
    try:

    “Let’s put on your shoes.”
    (wait)
    “We’re going to the doctor.”
    (wait)
    “Then we’ll get lunch.”

    Spacing your words out gives their brain a better chance to follow along. And trust me—it makes your day easier, too. It will help.

    See you next week for a new adventure on the Silver Haired Choo Choo….All ABOARD!

    No comments on Lost in Translation: When Dementia Scrambles the Message

  • “Fighting for Who They Were (and Loving Who They Are)”

    May 27, 2025
    Uncategorized

    A story for every caregiver caught between memory and reality.

    There’s this part of caregiving that no one prepares you for.
    It’s the fight for identity — not your own, but theirs. You remember the sharp, strong, independent person. You remember the brilliance. The wit. The grit. You remember the woman who used to beat you on the calculator doing sums — because she was that sharp. She was the woman who ran a successful business. Stayed active in church. Who had straight A’s in college. She was one of eleven children – she had the patience of a saint and a backbone made of steel. And now?

    Now there’s hesitation. Confusion. Sometimes frustration. Sometimes anger. And an aching embarrassment that her mind doesn’t work the way she knows it used to. The way she believes it still should. It makes her cry, and I hate that.

    The War Inside

    I spent the first three years of caregiving screaming in my brain.

    “Why can’t she remember? It’s obvious.”
    “Why can’t she do it? She always has.”
    “Why doesn’t she know it? She taught me.”

    And there was a part of me — a grieving part — that refused to believe this was the disease. Because if I accepted that, it meant letting go of who she was. And I wasn’t ready – I’m still not ready.

    But I’m learning – and that’s a start. This disease — dementia, Alzheimer’s, cognitive decline, however you want to label it — it doesn’t care who you are. It doesn’t care about your career or your GPA or your parenting medals. It can touch anyone. And when it does, it doesn’t just change the person who’s diagnosed —it reshapes every relationship around them. It is relentless. And they know it too.

    The Long Goodbye

    There’s a quiet heartbreak in realizing your loved one is fading in pieces. You start to lose them long before they’re gone.
    And maybe they know it too. There’s a flicker of awareness in their eyes — and it’s that that breaks you most.

    The way forward, I’ve learned, is this:

    You love them right where they are.
    Not where they were.
    Not where you wish they still could be.
    Right. Where. They. Are.

    Some days I do that well. Other days I crash and burn and find myself shouting, “But you taught me! I don’t understand!”

    But then, I pick myself up.
    I cry. I pray. And I try again.

    How to Meet Them Where They Are

    Here are a few things I’ve learned that help. Not because I’m perfect, but because I’ve messed up enough to know what doesn’t work.

    1. Agree, Don’t Correct

    If they say it’s 1994, let it be. (I utterly suck at this – just keeping it real.) If they ask when their (long-deceased) sister is coming to visit, smile and say, “I bet she’d love to see you.” Correcting them only brings confusion or pain. Meeting them in their reality brings peace.

    2. Let Them Lead

    If they want to fold the same towel five times, let them. If they want to walk the same hallway over and over, walk with them. You’re not losing time — you’re sharing it.

    3. Use Music and Photos

    Familiar songs and old family photos can pull out memories in ways conversation can’t. Play their favorite tunes. Show them pictures of people they love. They may not name them—but they feel them.

    4. Simplify the Environment

    Too much noise or clutter can be overwhelming. Create calm spaces. Label drawers. Use visual cues. Give them a world that feels easier to understand.

    5. Preserve Dignity

    Don’t talk about them like they’re not there. (I do this sometimes too).
    Don’t baby them. Speak with respect — always. (sometimes my impatience gets the better of me). This is still your mother, your father, your spouse — just in a different chapter.

    6. Give Grace

    To them. To yourself.
    There will be bad days. Emotional days.
    There will be days you snap. Or cry. Or question everything.
    And that’s okay.
    You’re not failing. You’re feeling. That means you’re still in the fight.

    Their mind may forget the moment, but their heart remembers the feeling. So fight for their identity. Tell their stories. Hold tight to who they were. But don’t forget to love who they are — right here, right now.

    Because they are still yours. And you are still theirs – and they need you more than you know.

    Caregiver Hack of the Week

    Create a “Daily Joy List.”
    It can be super simple:

    • A soft blanket
    • Their favorite snack
    • Their favorite hymn or radio station
    • A stuffed animal, a pet, or a photo book

    Keep these go-to comforts handy and rotate them in when the day gets hard. You might not be able to fix the memory loss—but you can fill the moment with something good.

    No comments on “Fighting for Who They Were (and Loving Who They Are)”
Previous Page
1 2 3 4 5 6
Next Page

Blog at WordPress.com.

The Silver Haired ChooChoo

A Caregiver’s Ride Through Chaos, Love, and WTF Moments

    • About Our Train
    • Posts (The Stops On The Journey)
 

Loading Comments...
 

    • Subscribe Subscribed
      • The Silver Haired ChooChoo
      • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
      • The Silver Haired ChooChoo
      • Subscribe Subscribed
      • Sign up
      • Log in
      • Report this content
      • View site in Reader
      • Manage subscriptions
      • Collapse this bar