The Silver Haired ChooChoo

“When the Keys No Longer Fit: Easing the Sting of Giving Up Driving”

March 21, 2025

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For many of us, driving isn’t just about transportation—it’s about freedom. It’s about being able to hop in the car, run errands, visit friends, or just take a drive to clear your mind.

So when it’s time for our loved ones to hang up the keys for good, it’s not just a loss of mobility—it can feel like a loss of independence, identity, and dignity. As my father said, “It hits a feller below the belt.”

And let’s be honest, this conversation isn’t exactly a fun one. No one wakes up excited to tell Mom or Grandpa, “Hey, we need to talk about your driving.” It’s emotional, it’s personal, and if handled poorly, it can lead to resentment, anger, and a whole lot of stubbornness.

But there are ways to make this transition easier—for them and for you. Let’s talk about why this is so difficult, and how to soften the blow when the time comes.

Why Giving Up Driving is So Hard

It’s More Than Just a Car – To your loved one, their car represents control over their own life. Losing it means relying on others, asking for help, and feeling like a burden.

The Loss of Spontaneity – When they can no longer just “go for a drive,” it can make them feel trapped. They don’t want to have to schedule a ride every time they need milk or a haircut.

Fear of Isolation – Many seniors already feel like their world is shrinking. Taking away their ability to drive can make them fear being stuck at home, losing friendships, or becoming dependent.

“I’ve Been Driving for 60 Years!” – Experience doesn’t always equal safety. Declining vision, slower reaction times, and memory issues can make even the best driver a danger to themselves and others—but they may not see it that way.

It Feels Like an Attack on Their Competence – No one wants to feel like they’re being treated like a child. The idea that they are “no longer capable” can bruise their pride and trigger defensiveness.

How to Approach the Conversation Without a Blow-Up

First, let’s set expectations: this will not be a fun conversation. It might take multiple talks, some resistance, and a whole lot of patience. But the way you approach it can make all the difference.

1. Start the Conversation Early (Before It’s an Emergency)
- Don’t wait until after a fender bender or a near-miss to bring it up. It’s much easier to talk about this before a crisis happens.
- Mention it casually: “Mom (or Dad), I read an article about safe driving for seniors—what do you think about that?”
2. Acknowledge Their Feelings
- Instead of just talking about safety, recognize what this means for them.
- Say something like, “I know this is really hard, and I hate that this feels like a loss. I want you to still feel independent.”
3. Use Gentle, Non-Confrontational Language
- Instead of “You’re not safe to drive anymore,” try “I’ve noticed you seem more stressed when driving lately—have you felt that way?”
- Instead of “You HAVE to stop driving,” try “Let’s talk about some options so you don’t feel stranded.”
4. Let a Professional Be the ‘Bad Guy’
- If your loved one refuses to listen, bring in a doctor, occupational therapist, or DMV evaluator to assess their driving. (This is what we did with my father – so we could comfort him and support him.)
- Sometimes, hearing it from an expert instead of family makes it easier to accept – even if it does hit below the belt.
5. Have an Alternative Plan in Place
- If giving up driving means losing independence, then what’s the backup plan?
- Instead of just taking away the car, offer solutions:
  ✔ Rides from family or friends (without making them feel like a burden)
  ✔ Rideshare services (Uber or Lyft (if available)
  ✔ Local senior transportation programs
  ✔ Grocery & medication delivery services
Making the Transition Easier

Even with the best approach, losing the ability to drive will sting. Here are ways to make it just a little easier:

1. “Retire” the Car Instead of “Taking It Away”
- If your loved one is resistant, frame it as a choice:
  “I think it’s time to retire the car before it gives you trouble. Let’s sell it while it still has good value.”
- This gives them a sense of control over the decision instead of feeling like they’re being forced.
2. Create a Weekly Ride Schedule
- If they’re worried about being stuck at home, set up a routine:
  ✔ Mondays: Ride to the store
  ✔ Wednesdays: Coffee with a friend
  ✔ Fridays: Library, post office, errands, or a fun drive around the countryside
- Knowing they’ll still have opportunities to get out can ease the transition.
3. Introduce Rideshare Apps Together
- If they’ve never used a private car, or a rideshare service, show them how!
- Do a test ride together so they feel comfortable.
- Many senior programs offer discounted or free transportation—check local options!
4. Put the Money Saved Toward Something Fun
- No more gas, car insurance, maintenance costs? That’s extra cash!
- Suggest using some of that money for a fun experience, hobby, or social activity.
5. Remind Them That Their Safety is Your Priority
- Instead of making this feel like a punishment, remind them:
  “I love you too much to risk something happening to you on the road.”
- Reinforce that you want them to be active, engaged, and independent—just in a safer way.
Caregiver Hack of the Week:

“The Honorary Chauffeur Program” – If your loved one is really struggling with giving up the keys, try giving them a new “role” instead of taking one away.

Let them be the “co-pilot” on trips—reading the map, picking the route, or choosing where to stop for lunch.
If they like routines, put them in charge of planning weekly outings to make them feel involved.
Keep the focus on togetherness rather than the loss of driving.

Final Thoughts: Letting Go, Holding On

Losing the ability to drive doesn’t mean losing independence—it just means finding new ways to stay connected and active.

Yes, this transition will be tough. Yes, emotions will run high. But with patience, understanding, and a solid plan, you can help your loved one move forward without feeling left behind.

And who knows? Maybe one day, you’ll be the one giving up the keys—and you’ll want someone to handle it with love, too.

Have you had to navigate this conversation with a loved one? What worked (or didn’t)? Drop us a comment.
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“When Words Fail, Love Speaks Anyway”

March 19, 2025

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Get a tissue. I’m crying, and you can join me.

Caregiving teaches you a new language—one that doesn’t always happen with words. It’s in the way you tuck a blanket around their legs. It’s also in the way their hand finds yours without looking. Or it’s in the unspoken gratitude in a quiet moment. But sometimes, just when you think words are lost, they find a way back in the most unexpected way.

My mother doesn’t always say things the way she wants or means to. (Do any of us, really?) Thoughts get jumbled, emotions tangle, and words slip away before they ever make it to her lips. The other day, she handed me a note that she had clipped from an article she was reading. As she gave it to me, she said, “This is from God, but it’s also how I feel about you. Even if I don’t always say it right.”

I couldn’t read it in front of her because I knew I’d cry. Sometimes emotions are so hard to show when you’re in the thick of it. I’ve been pretty emotional lately, and I didn’t want her to think that she made me sad.

Later …I read the words slowly, letting them settle deep:

My Beloved Child…

I love you more than you can imagine. Wherever you are, and whatever you are going through, always know that I am there with you. When you talk to Me, I will listen. And when you feel fear, I will protect you.

Before I even created the world, I knew you—who you are and who you will become—and I have an amazing plan for your future. I sent My Son, Jesus, to die for you. More than anything, I want you to know Me, and I want to be a part of your life. Every single moment.

Even when you stumble, I still love you. Even when you fall, I still care. No matter what you have done or how broken you feel, I can heal your pain. You are not unfixable or irredeemable, because I am the Redeemer, and I make all things new.

I am on your side… and I will never leave you or forsake you—NEVER! You are My child, the one I adore.

– God

(Rom. 5:8, 8:38-39; Jer. 1:5, 9:24, 29:11; John 3:16; 1 John 1:9, 4:9-11; Isa. 43:19; Deut. 31:6-8)

I swallowed the lump in my throat. In that moment, I knew—this was her way of telling me what her heart has been feeling all along. Even when she struggles to express it, the love is there. It always has been. It’s incredibly hard to reverse roles with your parent. It’s humbling and soul crushing and you feel all alone.

Sometimes, we expect love to sound a certain way. We want it spoken in clear, coherent sentences. It should be wrapped up in a perfect “thank you” or “I love you.” But love isn’t always verbal. Sometimes, it’s in a squeeze of the hand, a familiar look, or today, a note cut from a book.

If you’re a caregiver, you know the silence or repetition that lingers in long days. You know the frustration of trying to understand what they need when words or thoughts fail them. But don’t miss the messages that come in other ways. They’re still there. In the smallest gestures, the familiar smiles, and even the notes, pictures or flowers they press into your palm.

Even when words fail, love finds a way to speak. And when it does, listen. Because those moments—though fleeting—are everything.

Caregiver Hack of the Week

When words fail, write it down. If your loved one struggles to communicate, encourage them to write (or type) their thoughts. If that’s not possible, try using pictures, simple hand gestures, or even playing familiar music to help spark connection. Sometimes, the heart speaks in ways that the voice cannot – and it is precious.

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“The Joy Ride: A Day of Favorites & Happy”

March 17, 2025

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Being a full time caregiver often feels like Ground Hog Day—cooking, medications, routines, repeat. But sometimes, we need to hit pause on the responsibilities and just have fun. It’s important for your loved one – AND FOR YOU!

One of my favorite memories with my mom was the day I planned an adventure filled with her favorite things. We drove from place to place, stopping for her favorite meals, snacks, and little treats along the way. By the end of the day, she was exhausted—but happy, full, and so incredibly loved.

Because here’s the thing: our loved ones aren’t just patients, responsibilities, or “burdens.” They’re still people we love dearly who deserve joy, adventure, and to feel truly special.

Planning the Ultimate “Favorite Things” Day

Many times, the best days are as simple as a good drive, good food, and good company. Here’s how to make it happen:

Step 1: Pick the Route – Choose places that mean something to them. Maybe a childhood neighborhood, an old favorite diner, or a park they love.

Step 2: The Food Tour – Stop for all their favorite things! Breakfast, coffee, snacks, dessert—this is the day to indulge. Apple pie is her favorite food, and watching her eyes light up as she ate it, was the best.

Step 3: Set the Mood – Make a playlist of songs they love and turn the car into a rolling time machine of happy memories.

Step 4: Capture the Moments – Take photos, record little videos, and soak it all in—those moments still matter – and you can show them the videos when they don’t remember.

Step 5: End with Comfort – After a full day, help them wind down with a cozy evening—maybe a warm blanket, and their favorite tea.

Why It Matters

It’s a break from the routine. They spend so much time being cared for—this is a day for them to just enjoy. Relying so completely on someone is hard on them, too. Just getting out to enjoy the sunshine makes them feel a part of something and not just the “patient.”

It brings moments of clarity. Something about music, favorite foods, and special places can bring the past back for a little while. It’s amazing – and I do a full stop when it happens and enjoy the moment.

It reminds them they are loved. No one should ever feel like a burden. This is your chance to show them, “You matter. You are special. Today is for you. I care for you because I love you – even if I’m worn out by the weight of the load.”

Caregiver Hack of the Week:

“The Memory Playlist” Put together a playlist of songs that mean something to your loved one. Play it in the car, during quiet moments, or just to brighten the day. Music is a powerful way to bring back emotions, stories, and connection.

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“The Unexpected Joys of Caregiving: Finding Love, Laughter, and Celebrating the Little Wins”

March 15, 2025

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Yes, caregiving is tough. But it’s also deeply meaningful, strangely funny, and full of love.

So today, instead of focusing on what’s hard, let’s celebrate what’s good. Look for the little wins, laugh at the absurd moments, and hold tight to the love that makes it all worth it.

The Laugh-Out-Loud Moments

Caregiving has more than its fair share of stress, but it also comes with some of the funniest moments you’ll ever experience.
- Like when your loved one gives a completely inappropriate response to a doctor’s question.
- Or when they make a brutally honest comment about a stranger—loud enough for that stranger to hear.
- Or when they think technology is magic.
Some days, the only thing you can do is laugh. And those moments? They remind you that humor is a survival tool.

The Sweet, Unexpected “I Love You”

Not every day comes with a “thank you.” Some days, it feels like all you do is give, give, give. But then, out of nowhere…
- A hug you didn’t expect.
- A soft, simple “I appreciate you.”
- A moment of clarity where they tell you just how much you mean to them. (I’m not crying – YOU ARE!).
And suddenly, all the exhaustion, frustration, and stress fade away—because love is at the center of it all.

The Little Wins That Feel Like Big Ones

Caregiving isn’t about huge victories. It’s about tiny, everyday wins that keep you going.
✔A day of clarity and making memories.
✔ Finding their missing phone before they panic.
✔ Convincing them to eat something green (even if it’s just one bite). Who knew sweets were a food group?

Each little success is a reminder: You’re doing something that matters and you’re doing it out of love.

Caregiver Hack of the Week:

“The Smile File” – Start a running list on your phone or in a notebook. Include the funniest, sweetest, or most heartwarming moments from your time with your loved one. On the hard days, read it. It’s proof that even in the chaos, there’s joy. And later, when your loved one is gone, you’ll have the memories to comfort you.
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“The Caregiver’s Guide to High-Fashion: Messy Buns, Mystery Stains, and the ‘Why Bother’ Wardrobe”

March 12, 2025

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Welcome aboard the Silver Haired ChooChoo, where the coffee is cold, the laundry is endless, and the dress code is “whatever still fits and doesn’t smell weird.”

Let’s be honest—when you’re knee-deep in caregiving, personal style takes a hard nosedive. Gone are the days of coordinated outfits and perfectly styled hair. Now, we’re just hoping our leggings don’t have a hole in an embarrassing location and that our “inside shirt” isn’t the same one we slept in and spilled soup on.

But here’s the thing—we’re still out here doing the impossible, taking care of our loved ones, managing a thousand things at once, and somehow still showing up every single day. So, let’s celebrate the caregiver aesthetic in all its glory!

~The Official Caregiver Hair-Dos~

The 30-Second Bun: Whip it up, pray it stays, and if it starts falling apart mid-day? It’s called “volume.”

The Frantic Ponytail Poof: Started out sleek but somehow turned into a rat’s nest halfway through the day. That’s just natural texture, babe.

The Hat of Shame: Because washing hair is an unrealistic goal, and baseball caps were made for people like us.

“Did I Shower?” Look: A wild mix of dry shampoo, wishful thinking, and yesterday’s hopes and dreams.

The Hair Claw Catastrophe: One clip, two twists, and if it holds, we’re calling it “Pinterest-worthy.”

~The Caregiver Fashion Guide~

The Classic All-Black Ensemble: Doubles as a fashion statement and a stain-hiding superpower and somedays it matches my heart..

The Leggings Life: Because buttons and zippers are for people with time.

The ‘I Forgot to Change’ Chic: Is it pajamas? Is it daywear? No one knows. Not even you.

The Speedy Slip-On Shoes: Because if you have to actually tie laces, you’re staying home.

The Grocery Store Runway Look: Yoga pants, an oversized hoodie, and a look that says, “Yes, I am sleep-deprived. No, I do not need your judgment.”

Signs You’ve Given Up on Self-Care (But Make It Fashion)

You consider dry shampoo an essential food group.

Your last long, relaxing shower was… let’s just say, “pre-pandemic.”

Your nails are either chipped polish from three months ago, chewed off, or completely non-existent because who has time for that?

You daydream about being one of those people who wear actual pajamas to bed instead of collapsing in whatever you’re already wearing.

Makeup? What is this sorcery you speak of? When was the last time you bought that new shade of blush or lipstick?

5-Minute Self-Care for the Busy Caregiver

Alright, let’s get serious for a minute. We joke, but not taking care of ourselves is a real problem. Caregiver burnout is not cute. So, if time is tight, try one of these quick, easy self-care wins:

1. The 5-Minute Face Fix
- Splash some cold water on your face.
- Slap on some moisturizer or a face mist.
- Boom. You’re now radiant and refreshed (ok- at least less zombie-like).
2. The Dental Upgrade
- Brush your teeth when your feet hit the floor, and before you hit the morning chaos. Always the best choice, anyway! Some things just can’t be compromised.
- Bonus points for a 10-second floss and mouthwash.
- Look at you, being all fresh and fancy.
3. The Hot Beverage Ritual
- Make a hot cup of coffee or tea and actually drink it hot.
- Sit down for five whole minutes (no multitasking allowed).
- Call it mindfulness.
4. The Hair Redemption Plan
- Give it one quick brush.
- Apply dry shampoo if needed (aka, if it’s been days).
- Maybe even change up the messy bun—left side bun today? Wow, bold.
5. The Mini-Mani Move
- Clip those nails if they look like talons from the underworld.
- Swipe on a clear polish or cuticle oil—it takes 30 seconds and makes you feel like a person again.
The Takeaway: You Deserve More Than ‘Survival Mode’

Caregiving is all-consuming, and yes, sometimes “real” self-care is just finally putting on a bra and calling it a victory. But here’s the truth you caregiver rockstar:
- You matter.
- Your well-being matters
- You deserve more than “bare minimum survival mode.”
So, whether it’s a fresh ponytail, a hot coffee with foam, or just taking a deep breath and reclaiming five minutes for yourself, find the little joys where you can.

And if all else fails? There’s always the ‘Hat of Shame.’

Caregiver Hack of the Week:

“The Fancy Scrunchie Trick” – Feeling like a tired, disheveled mess? Swap out your usual hair tie for a fancy scrunchie (velvet, leopard print, satin—you get the idea). Instantly, you go from “I’ve given up” to “I’m effortlessly stylish.” Minimal effort, maximum impact. Add some lip gloss and sunglasses for the “celebrity fashion” look! A little Miracle Balm never hurts either.
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“Tick Tock, Who’s Confused? How Time Change Wreaks Havoc on Dementia & the Elderly”

March 10, 2025

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Ah, the twice-a-year chaos of Daylight Saving Time. For most of us, it’s an annoying inconvenience—losing an hour of sleep in the spring, gaining one in the fall, and spending weeks trying to reset our internal clocks. But for seniors, especially those with dementia, it’s more than just an inconvenience.

It can be a full-blown crisis. (Somebody get me coffee, NOW, please).

Time changes disrupt sleep, confuse routines, and send an already fragile sense of reality into a tailspin. If you thought your loved one’s schedule was unpredictable before, just wait until their body thinks it’s one time, the clock says another, and their brain is somewhere else entirely.

Let’s talk about why this happens—and, more importantly, how to make it easier for them (and you).

Why Does Time Change Hit So Hard?

For those of us with functioning circadian rhythms (aka, the body’s internal clock), adjusting to a time change takes a few days of grogginess and extra caffeine. But for the elderly—especially those with dementia or Alzheimer’s—this shift can completely derail their sense of time, mood, and behavior.

Here’s why:
1. Disrupts Sleep Cycles The body relies on light cues to know when to sleep and wake. Mess with that, and suddenly, nighttime confusion, restlessness, and sundowning (late-day agitation) get worse. Less sleep = more cognitive decline. Dementia already affects sleep; this just throws gasoline on the fire.
2. Confuses Routines Dementia thrives on predictability. Mealtimes, medication schedules, bathroom trips—all of it is thrown off when the clock shifts, even if only by an hour. Your loved one may get up in the middle of the night, insist it’s time to go somewhere, or completely refuse to eat at the “wrong” mealtime.
3. Increases Agitation & Sundowning Many dementia patients struggle with sundowning, where they become more confused, anxious, or aggressive in the late afternoon. The time change alters how sunlight cues the brain, making this problem worse. Even those without dementia may feel disoriented, extra sleepy, or irritable—and if they don’t understand why, it can trigger frustration or even paranoia.
4. Throws Off Medication TimingMany medications work best on a strict schedule. Even a small shift in dosing can cause changes in blood sugar, blood pressure, or mood stabilization. If your loved one is already sensitive to meds, this can lead to dizziness, confusion, or feeling “off” without knowing why.
How to Make Time Change Easier on Your Loved One

You can’t stop the clocks from changing, but you can minimize the fallout. Here are some simple ways to ease the transition and keep your loved one as comfortable as possible.

1. Start the Shift Early (and Slowly)

Don’t wait until the night before to adjust everything. Instead:
✔ Adjust bedtimes, wake-up times, and meals by 10-15 minutes per day starting a week before the time change.
✔ Dim lights earlier or later, depending on the direction of the shift, so their body starts adapting naturally.
✔ Keep the morning routine the same as much as possible. A steady start helps anchor the day.

2. Keep the Environment Consistent

Your loved one may trust their routine more than the clock. So, help them stick to what feels normal.
✔ Keep mealtimes and medications as close to the usual time as possible, even if the clock says otherwise.
✔ Use blackout curtains or bright lamps to mimic natural daylight at the right times.
✔ Keep clocks, calendars, and schedules visible so they have a reference point when they feel confused.

3. Help Regulate Sleep Naturally

Since sleep gets thrown out of whack, try these tricks:
✔ Expose them to natural light first thing in the morning to help reset their internal clock.
✔ Limit naps, especially late in the day. Short naps are okay, but too much daytime sleep makes nighttime worse.
✔ Encourage movement during the day (even a short walk) to help burn energy and regulate sleep hormones.
✔ Use white noise or soft music at night to encourage relaxation and sleep.

4. Prepare for Extra Confusion & Be Patient

Even with the best preparation, your loved one may struggle. Expect more questions, restlessness, and frustration.
✔ If they insist it’s a different time or day, don’t argue. Gently redirect: “Yes, it feels different today, but let’s have some breakfast together.”
✔ If they’re extra anxious, lean into comfort activities—a familiar TV show, a favorite snack, a warm blanket, or a hand massage.
✔ Keep your own stress levels in check. If you’re anxious about the time change, they’ll pick up on it.

5. Adjust Medications Gradually

For meds that need to be taken at specific times:
✔ Shift dosing by 15-30 minutes each day leading up to the change.
✔ Check with their doctor or pharmacist if certain medications should be adjusted differently.

Surviving the Great Time Change Chaos

Let’s be honest—Daylight Saving Time is one giant societal prank that we’ve all agreed to participate in for reasons none of us truly understand. But while the rest of the world groans about losing sleep, caregivers are dodging meltdowns, adjusting medications, and explaining the time difference 87 times a day.

And the worst part? We have to do it all over again in six months.

But here’s the good news: it won’t last forever. Within a week or two, the storm will pass, routines will settle, and your loved one will find their rhythm again. In the meantime, be patient, keep the coffee flowing, and remember—you are not alone.

And if things get truly out of control? Just set all the clocks back to their old time and call it a day. Who’s going to know, except you?

Caregiver Hack of the Week:

“The Fake Sunset Trick” – If sundowning gets worse after a time change, try this: dim the lights gradually in the evening to mimic a natural sunset. This helps their brain recognize bedtime and can reduce nighttime restlessness.

Bonus: It also helps you unwind after a long day! It will get better!!!
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“When the Fog Rolls Out: Cherishing the Precious Moments”

March 7, 2025

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Caregiving is often a storm—chaotic, exhausting, and unpredictable. There are days when confusion reigns, when my loved one is lost in a world I can’t quite reach. But then, there are these days—the golden ones. The moments when the clouds part, the confusion fades, and for a little while, I have my mom back.

And when that happens? I drop everything.

Meetings can wait. Tasks can be pushed. The world keeps spinning, but for me, time stands still. Because I don’t know when, or if, I’ll get another moment like this. So, I clear the schedule and plan our own little getaway. A lunch date. A shopping trip. A long, slow conversation filled with all the questions I can think to ask.

It’s not just another day. It’s a vacation for the soul.

When her eyes are clear and her voice is steady, I don’t waste a second. I ask all the things.

20 Questions and Laughter
- How did you meet dad?
- Tell me about your wedding day. (It’s such a good story. They got married on Christmas – talk about Hallmark)
- What’s the funniest thing I did as a kid?
- What do you want me to remember most about you?
And that last question? That’s the one that stopped me in my tracks.

“That I have always loved you so much.”

Cue the waterworks. Because at the end of everything—after all the struggle, the hard days, the heartache—that’s what matters. Love.

Basking in the Magic of the Moment

There’s something sacred about these days. It’s like stepping into a time capsule, a fleeting glimpse into the past when everything was normal. When she’s fully her, we laugh harder, we share memories, and I hold on as tightly as I can.

She tells me stories I’ve never heard before. We giggle like old friends over coffee. We browse through stores, picking out things we don’t need but will cherish anyway. We just exist together, without worry or stress.

And in those hours, I don’t think about the future. I don’t brace for the storm to return. I just bask in the sunshine, soaking in every precious second.

A List of Questions to Ask While You Can

If you’re lucky enough to have these moments with your loved one, be ready. Don’t let them slip away. Here are some of my favorite questions to ask:

Family & Childhood:
- What was your childhood home like?
- Who was your best friend growing up?
- What did you love most about your parents?
- What’s the funniest family memory you have?
Love & Life:
- How did you meet your spouse?
- What advice would you give about love and marriage?
- If you could relive one day, which would it be?
- What’s something you’re most proud of?
Hopes & Dreams:
- What did you want to be when you grew up?
- If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
- Is there anything you wish you had done differently?
- What’s one thing you want me to always remember?
Just for Fun:
- What was your first job, and what did you love/hate about it?
- What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?
- What song always makes you smile?
- What’s one thing people don’t know about you?
The Afterglow

When these moments end, and the memory closet locks, I hold them close. I write things down. I tuck memories into my heart like love notes for the future. And I remind myself—this is why I do what I do.

Caregiving is hard. But these days? These golden moments? They make it all worth it.

So, the next time clarity comes, don’t let it slip by. Drop the to-do list. Cancel the call. Take the day off. Because these are the moments that will stay with you forever.

And when you ask, What do you want me to remember most?—the answer might just change everything.

Caregiver Hack of the Week:

“The Memory Journal” – Keep a small notebook to jot down stories, quotes, and special moments your loved one shares. Even if they fade from their mind, they’ll live on forever in yours.

What’s the best memory you’ve captured in a moment of clarity? Drop it in the comments—I’d love to hear your stories.
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The Reality of Caregiving:

March 4, 2025

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Between the Love and Overwhelm

Caregiving for aging parents and loved ones is often romanticized as a noble, fulfilling act—a way to give back to those who once cared for us. The image of a devoted son or daughter selflessly tending to a parent in their golden years is ingrained in our cultural narratives. We picture peaceful moments: preparing home-cooked meals, reminiscing over old memories, and ensuring their comfort in familiar surroundings. It’s framed as a labor of love, a sacred duty, something we do without question.

But behind the heartwarming portrayals lies a much harsher reality, particularly for those living in rural areas with limited support systems. The emotional, physical, and financial toll of caregiving can be immense. Unlike urban settings, where home health aides, transportation services, and medical facilities are more accessible, rural caregivers often face the daunting challenge of managing everything on their own. Medical specialists may be hours away, in-home help may be scarce or unaffordable, and respite care—essential for avoiding burnout—is nearly nonexistent.

I know this struggle firsthand. I’ve been doing this day in and day out for almost six years. It’s grueling, exhausting, and the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t like it, but at the same time, I wouldn’t want anyone else taking care of my mom because no one will do it with as much love as I will. That’s the paradox of caregiving—it drains you, but you also can’t imagine entrusting your loved one’s care to anyone else. Some people are naturally cut out for being a caregiver, but this girl is not. Don’t misunderstand, I’m still honored to do it, but the personal sacrifices are immense and in many different ways.

Finding Support in Rural Areas

While caregiving in a rural setting presents unique challenges, there are some ways to help make it more manageable:
1. Join a Caregiving Support Group – Whether in-person or online, connecting with others who understand the struggles of caregiving can be life-changing. Even if there are no local groups, virtual communities on Facebook or through organizations like the Caregiver Action Network can provide encouragement and advice. I run a local caregiver’s group, and I love my Caregiver Sisters, we laugh and cry together – shared advice, and know that we are there for each other. It’s sacred and safe place for us.
2. Seek Help from Your Church or Community – Churches and faith-based organizations often have volunteers willing to help with errands, meals, or simply sitting with your loved one for an hour or two so you can take a break. Don’t hesitate to ask your pastor or local congregation for support.
3. Sign Your Loved One Up for Meals – It’s one less meal you don’t have to cook in a day – and you can even get one for yourself. Call you local senior center and ask how to sign up. Even cooking one less meal a day helps the load.
4. Look Into Local Assisted Living Homes for Respite Programs – Some assisted living facilities offer short-term stays, allowing caregivers a few days or weeks of much-needed rest. While it may feel difficult to let go, taking advantage of these programs can help prevent burnout.
5. Remind Yourself That This is Temporary – When you’re in the thick of caregiving, it feels endless. But one day, this role will come to an end. Keeping that in mind can help you push through the hardest moments. There will come a time when you’ll look back and know that, despite the struggles, you did everything in your power for your loved one.
The pendulum between Love and Overwhelm swings short, but just know that by being in the moment -this moment – right now – it will help even the swing. Praying for you, loving you, and right there in the trenches with you friends. Until next time….
Wait a Minute – Where Did I Go? Where’s Me?

March 3, 2025

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No one warns you that caregiving isn’t just about helping someone else live—it’s about figuring out how to keep living your own life at the same time. And let’s be honest, most of us suck at that part.

At first, you tell yourself you can juggle it all. You’ll still meet friends for coffee, keep up with your hobbies, maintain some shred of independence. And then, before you know it, every single part of your day revolves around someone else’s needs.

You stop going out. You stop making plans. You stop thinking about yourself at all, because there is literally no time. And one day, you look in the mirror and think, Who am I anymore? I’ve lost my identity.

The Disappearing Act of a Caregiver

Caregiving doesn’t steal your identity all at once—it chips away at it, little by little.
- First, you cancel a few plans. No big deal.
- Then, you realize you can’t remember the last time you did something just for you.
- Then, you forget what you even like to do outside of caregiving.
- Finally, your entire personality becomes being a caregiver.
And here’s the worst part: You don’t even notice it happening until you’re completely lost.

The Emotional Toll of Always Being ‘On’

Caregiving is 24/7, but even when you get a break, your brain doesn’t.
- You feel guilty for stepping away, even for an hour.
- You constantly think about what needs to be done next.
- You forget how to relax, because the second you do, something inevitably goes wrong.
- You start to feel like your only worth is tied to how well you take care of someone else.
That last one? That’s the most dangerous.

How to Find Yourself Again.

Listen, I get it – and I feel like I’m in a fight for my life. Finding time for yourself feels impossible when you barely have time to shower. But reclaiming your identity doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It starts small.

Start by remembering what used to make you happy. What did you love to do before caregiving? Reading? Painting? Running? You don’t have to dive back in all at once—just remind yourself who you used to be.

Schedule a tiny break—even if it’s five minutes. Yes, I know this sounds like a joke. But start with just five minutes a day where you do something that is only for you.

Talk to people who know you outside of caregiving. Call a friend. Text someone. Remind yourself that you exist outside of this role.

Set one boundary. Just one. Maybe it’s saying “no” to an extra task, maybe it’s reclaiming ten minutes of quiet time every morning. But start somewhere.

You are not just a caregiver. You are a whole person who deserves a life, too.

Caregiver Hack of the Week: The ‘Two-Question Check-In’

At the end of every day, ask yourself two things:
1. Did I do one thing for myself today? (And if not, what tiny thing can I do right now?)
2. What is one thing about me that has nothing to do with caregiving? (A favorite book, a weird fact, a song I love—anything!)
Because the truth is? You don’t have to lose yourself to care for someone else.
The Things No One Told Me About Caregiving

February 27, 2025

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Caregiving is one of those things you never truly understand until you’re in the thick of it. Before I became a caregiver, I had a very Hallmark movie version of what it would look like—sweet moments of bonding, gentle hand-holding, meaningful conversations about life. Spoiler alert: that’s not quite how it goes. I remember sitting with my niece who is a therapist and she asked me, are you SURE this is what you want to do? All in, I responded – absolutely!

Settle in because this is not a light post.

No one told me caregiving would mean spending hours on hold with insurance companies, becoming an unpaid nurse, therapist, housekeeper, and personal assistant, or that some days I’d be so tired that microwaving dinner would feel like an Olympic sport.

So, in the spirit of full transparency, here’s what I wish someone had told me before I stepped onto this rollercoaster.

1. The Paperwork Will Try to Break You

I don’t know who designed the healthcare and insurance system, but I can only assume it was someone with a personal vendetta against caregivers. The sheer amount of forms, approvals, denials, referrals, appeals, and phone calls will make you question reality.

Pro tip: Keep a dedicated “caregiver binder” with all medical records, medication lists, and contacts. You’ll need it every other day.

2. Your Social Life Will Become a Myth

Remember going out with friends? Remember hobbies? Yeah, me neither. In the beginning the invites roll in, but when you either have to take your loved one or turn down the offer, they stop.

Caregiving has a way of consuming your time and energy until you realize the last “conversation” you had was with the grocery store self-checkout machine. [“Yes, I did bag my items. Now mind your business.”]

Your world shrinks, and people who don’t understand caregiving tend to disappear. But the ones who stick around? They’re the real ones. Hold onto them. Tightly.

3. You Will Become a Human Lie Detector

Caregiving gives you superpowers—one of which is the ability to detect a lie from across the room.
- “I already took my medication.” (No, you didn’t.)
- “I’m not in pain.” (Then why are you wincing every time you move?)
- “I just ate.” (Lies. The last thing you ate was pudding four hours ago.)
They’re not lying to be difficult. They’re lying because they want to feel independent. And honestly? I get it. But that doesn’t mean I won’t side-eye them until they take their pills.

4. Doctors Will Only Listen to You Half the Time

There’s nothing more frustrating than being the person who knows your loved one best and still having to fight to be heard.
- “That’s not normal for them.”
- “I know their symptoms better than the chart does.”
- “No, they don’t ‘seem fine’—you’ve seen them for 30 seconds.”
- “She’s fine, there’s no sign of cognitive decline.” – She memorized the cognitive test. [true story].
Advocating for your loved one is exhausting, but it’s necessary. Don’t be afraid to push back. Be polite, be firm, and if necessary, be the squeaky wheel that refuses to shut up.

5. People Will Say Stupid Things to You

“I could never do what you do.” (Well, lucky you, you don’t have to!)

“You should really take care of yourself.” (Oh wow, I hadn’t thought of that!)

“There’s a special place in heaven and blessings for you.” (That is neither comforting or reassuring – even well intentioned).

People mean well, but most of them have no idea what they’re talking about. Save your energy. Smile, nod, and then go vent to someone who gets it.

Caregiver Hack of the Week: The ‘One Thing’ Rule

On days when you feel completely overwhelmed, follow this rule: Just do one thing.
- One phone call.
- One chore.
- One moment of self-care (even if it’s just sitting down with a snack for five minutes).
If all you can do today is one thing, that’s enough. Truly, it is!